A little water under the bridge…

 Yes, it has been a while since my last blog, I see my fellow Ordinands are well ahead of me here, but I do have a few good reasons, or to put another way some relatively creative excuses. I started a new job, which has proven extremely demanding, I have been stretched up and down and left and right and in a few other directions that I didn’t even know existed through my college studies, nothing more than what they term formation, but it took me to some interesting spaces, I don’t mean the glorious buildings one may associated with church, I mean the emotional roller coaster of life. And of course, I need to ensure I have quality time with my family, for all our sakes.

It was tough.

I don’t mind admitting, I have found myself in some dark places since staring training, challenged in ways I hadn’t been fully prepared for and so it didn’t seem the right and proper thing to write down my thoughts before now, but now on reflection I think it is safe to say that I have perhaps become a little wiser from the experience, though you will not find me admitting to being wise.

Lectures have been running at what could possibly be calculated at approximately 100MPH and in a language that was pulling me out of my depths, could this be the Hebrew they speak of in the Old Testament, or perhaps the Greek of the New Testament, or maybe it was the contemporary language in Jesus’ time of Aramaic? I fear it was just English, but not as we know it Jim..!

I would never profess to be what one may call an expert in biblical academia, but whereas I thought I had a reasonable grasp in the Old and New Testaments, at times it felt like the whole bible was becoming the Apocrypha, that is a text I had not read nor heard before.

So you see, I was hearing things coming at me at an incredible speed, in a language I didn’t understand and texts that were as unexplored as a mission to Mars.

To put simply, I felt out of my depth.

And to top it all, the first assignment handed in came back with some shocking news that threw me off balance a little; I’d missed some pretty key elements. So what does one do in a situation like this? Panic, give up or take a step back and figure out a more productive next step, I am pleased to report I took the latter option.

I soon came to realise that although I had a fair grasp of some aspects of Biblical texts, there were far more dimensions than I had considered, most of it around the historicity of key events.

Then it all made sense.

But with some carefully planned reading of some easily digestible texts, mostly calling themselves something along the lines of ‘An Introduction to…’ suddenly all the foreign language and pace of lectures started to take shape. I can’t tell you what a relief that was.

And so I found myself not only understanding what was being said and at a pace I could digest, but actually enjoying the lectures, embracing what was being said and, not trying to sound too clever, even managing to critically evaluate what was being presented and discussed.

And although I am quite probably the least likely to ever set the academic world on fire with my revelation insights in to new ways of thinking, I was now getting grades worthy of a good pass, I started to understand more of just how much I didn’t know, but this wasn’t a problem to me as I am now beginning to build what I believe are the foundational building blocks of what will be a lifetimes learning. Some subjects and one or two lecturers have even inspired me to what I think may one day become a future areas of ministry.

However there is one area, as with life, that has pulled me through more than any other. I know you expect me to say, prayer, or God or some such, and of course, there is no doubt this played an important part, but however you look at it, whether answer to prayer or God working, it is my fellow Ordinands that have quite possibly been the biggest help. There is nothing like comradery or people who are going through a similar harrowing experience and I know many of my fellow Ordinands were experience pretty much the same as me, maybe subtly different areas of challenge, but challenge nonetheless. And it is this shared experience and share compassion and shared practical help and discussion that has kept me smiling, encouraged and getting my assignments in on time. Oh and I mustn’t forget the humor, there are one or two who should they ever decide ministry is not for them, I think the comedy circuit would welcome them with open arms.

Holy Hogwarts…

Ordinand induction is over and I survived…

Stunning views over the Oxford Countryside from Holy Hogwarts

Holy Hogwarts was the name affectionately given to Ripon College Cuddesdon during the course of our Ordinand induction period, though not as yet sure if this is a wider shared name for the College, it does somehow more than fit. What was slightly harder to figure at this stage is just who the characters will form in to in this new adventure…

Which leads me nicely on to one of the main topics of discussion during this induction weekend, that of formation.

Our very own ‘Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore’, or as he is more affectionately known The Reverend Canon Professor Martyn Percy, our principle (who bears no resemblance in character, name or stance of course to Dumbledore) took a little time to explain this formation process.

Who we follow plus our growth in our relationship with whom we follow is our discipleship, this otherwise known as our formation process. And in following Christ we form a Christ shaped pattern in how we form.

We were then reminded of Galatians 4:19

“My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you…”

Now this took a little to get my small mind around, but the idea shared is that we do not change to form in to Christ, but Christ is formed in us..!

And if I am being absolutely honest, I am still getting my small mind around that thought.

What was easier to grasp was the idea that we need our nourishment from the scriptures, and to be attentive to the actions of God in the world.  Though interestingly it was highlighted how much harder this may be as a part-time student, which I am, to that of a full-time student.

What was incredibly reassuring, is that despite this being recognised as clearly an academic institute, though with a slightly different enrolment process, we were reminded several times that as humans we are natural people of love not study and this is something that is to be embraced as we follow our faith and journey to Ordination. There may be a fear, for some, of loosing our heart to head knowledge. There will be study time, there will be essays and there will be marks for work, but make no mistake Christ is at the centre of it all.

So it would appear that I can allay my fears that there is more to being a religious professional than tea and cucumber sandwiches.

More Tea Vicar..?

I am very excited about the people who I will be on this journey with, though we are not all taking the same route, some are part of the OMC (Oxford Ministry Course), that’s me, some are part of WEMTEC (West of England Ministerial Training Course) some are Mixed Mode and others are part of CMS (Church Mission Society). That was quite a mix when you consider there were just 22 of us! But it was yet more confirmation as to the reason I chose Ripon College Cuddesdon in the first place, diversity and breadth of learning.

Let formation commence… 

My Fellow ordinands.

First day of school…

Well not quite, but this weekend I am about to embark on a very special journey. A journey which, in a way, started before I was born, but with a few twists and turns the odd obstacle here and there has finally started to turn to reality.

So what is this journey?

In short I have been recommended by the Church of England for training to be ordained priest. The training will be part-time, Tuesday evenings with six residential weekends a year, plus a week in the summer. All taking place at Ripon College Cuddesdon, Oxford. http://www.rcc.ac.uk/ during my training I will continue to work full time.

² Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much. ³ But the person who loves God is the one whom God recognizes.

- 1 Corinthians 8:2-3 (NLT)

This weekend will be my first official weekend away, step one on my training path to ordination. Actually it’s just the induction weekend, so I’m not quite expecting to be conducting weddings, funerals or baptisms from Monday, but it is my first official time away from home spending time with people I do not know, sleeping in a strange bed and starting what at some level may only be three years of education, but a lifetime of formation and change.

I won’t hide though; the thought of this is a little (read a lot) scary.

It is a bit like the first day of school, from being surrounded by a familiar and comfortable environment to being hurled in to the unknown.

I married my beautiful wife Sharon nearly twenty years ago, she is always by my side, even when I’m being a right pain or coming up with some other hair brained scheme that might help satisfy my limited curious mind.

I have three amazing sons, of whom I am immensely proud.

Daniel is keen on sport and as I write is off to University next weekend for the first time.

Sam is a very talented musician playing guitar and piano and in his GCSE year at school.

Adam is interested in science, technology and animals and gifted with an awesome sense of humour finding it easy to make almost everyone he meets laugh.

I work in a well-paid job with frequent opportunities to travel. So you’d have thought I have it all and have no need to stress my life any more?

But my curious mind can’t help but get a sense there is something more out there and I want to try to understand a little of what that more is before my brief time in this life comes to an end. And more importantly, how I can serve in sharing a part of that natural human desire for hope.

Back in 2008, as mentioned in my last blog, I embarked on an Open University degree. For this I studied various subjects, but mostly around religion. I read about Judaism, Christianity, Sikhism, Buddhism, Islam and Hinduism. All from an academic aspect of understanding the underlying cultures that surround us today.

As a regular and active member of my local Church, some people were a little surprised that as a Christian why would I want to learn about other faiths? Well it is a fair question, and too deep to go in to in detail in this blog, but it did give me a lot of insight. Most notably that despite having achieved a degree for my studies, how little I could possibly ever understand of each of these faiths let alone how little I understood of my own faith. And just how difficult it is to be totally impartial, however hard we try to be. Our lives and surroundings have a natural way of shaping our thinking, the way we behave and the way we see and respond to thoughts or ideas.

There is a story behind every person, a reason why they are the way they are. Don't be quick to judge. Be kind and assume the best.

- Nicky Gumbel

Yes I pray, read the bible, lead sung worship and lead a home group. Have been privileged to preach and even lead services. I’ve even been a Church Warden; I’ve never been in charge of so many keys in my life!

So why I do I feel called to ordination? You may well ask.

It is a difficult and complex answer to a seemingly simple question, but let me try to outline a few thoughts.

What do I know of a parent who has lost a son or a daughter? What do I know about two people who are terminally ill where both are prayed for, yet one dies the other doesn’t? What do I know about loosing a parent at an early age? What do I know of loneliness, suicide, depression or despair? What do I know about being a single parent? Or living with so little money I can barely heat the home or feed my children? What do I know about being persecuted or even martyred for my faith?

Very little, actually almost nothing.

Yet God is bigger than all this. He’s bigger than our understanding could ever possibly be.

I also ponder the question if two faiths live side by side. Is one of them really wrong? Should we be intolerant towards our neighbour until they understand our point of view? Should we bow down every time someone tells us we’ve got it wrong and heed his or her example regardless of what we know? Or should we each strive towards opening our hearts and minds to understand more of the world around us, try to see it from someone else’s point of view whilst helping them to understand ours?

I must admit I have quite a few more questions, but I am not looking to just learn the answers to these questions and more. I don’t believe I’ll even be able to answer even a few of these questions, nor be able to give people the answers they think they seek.

But there is hope.

I have a faith and a belief that helps me understand this. I have also seen it help countless others. I feel called to ordination to help share this good news of hope, I feel called to broken humanity, not just Christian activity. Called not to be better than everyone else, just to try and be a better person than I was and not to look down nor judge others for their beliefs or unbelief, but be ready for those who need someone to turn to but are not sure who in times of crisis and not to forget times of joy and celebration.

What I do not know right now is what form or shape this will take, as there are many areas where ordained priests can find themselves, hospitals, universities, parishes, military, places of work, overseas in deprived areas and so on. But I am following what I believe I am being called to do and although inside I will admit to having some thoughts as to how my calling may take shape, I am trying to be as open minded as I can to where God is calling me.

You can’t have peace with people until you have peace with yourself.

- Joyce Meyer

Some aspects of this journey will be lonely, as there is no one out there like me, there is no one out there like anyone, we are all unique.

In another way, it will be a journey surrounded by many people, some on the course with me, some having done something similar before and some just watching on with morbid curiosity to see what happens next.

So I have decided to document my time during, through and even after training. I want to be quite open and honest, I am sure it’ll be a roller coaster of emotions, so I want to share what I feel as I go through this journey.

So on tight and get ready for the journey…

I look forward to all that God has in store. I thank all those who have prayed for me and continue to do so.

God bless

God is never blind to your tears, never deaf to your prayers, never absent in your pain. He sees. He hears. He is with you.

- Nicky Gumbel

It’s not about us.

This April I completed two half marathons, attended my degree graduation ceremony and started a new job. It’s been quite a month, the culmination of many weeks, months and years of work. But I have come to realize more than ever how it’s not just about me. It could be an age thing, but I think that I have come to another milestone from knowledge to understanding.

Let me try to explain.

If you want to see a rainbow you have to learn to like the rain

-        Paulo Coelho, Aleph

 As I sit and write, it is Sunday 29^th April 2012. I am sat in the conservatory trying not to pay too much attention to my aching bones and muscles after completing the Bracknell half marathon earlier today. It was brutal, the rain poured down, much of the route was flooded and a chilling wind blew, biting through to the bone. As I ran I began to warm, there were a few high spots where all runners were completely exposed and cooled very quickly, but as we dipped we warmed once again. At every corner we were greeted by marshals stood guiding and clapping all the runners, they may have been wearing better rainproof clothing than the runners, but they had to stand relatively still for three or more hours in the wet, cold and chilling windy weather. Teams of other volunteers happily distributed water and sponges at the various water stations. I didn’t count but I heard it announced a couple of times that in total 150+ volunteers were out on the course at various points, clapping, cheering the runners on and giving kind words of encouragement. It seems an obvious thing to say, but without them there would be no race to run, no achievement to be had and no money to be raised for charity. And it dawned on me, everything I had thought I was doing in the aid of charity was not me at all as without the hundreds of volunteers on the day, the organizers who plan and manage the race, the sponsors who so kindly and generously supported my chosen cause and of course the various people at my chosen charity from fundraisers to support staff, to carers to professional medical staff and so on, who make it possible for the monies raised to be put to good use.

I’m not saying it was nothing, that would be false modesty, it was flipping hard work and it hurts right now, but it was an enlightening run as I had time to think of how so many people are behind all that we want to achieve in life.

Don’t be intimidated by other people’s opinions. Only mediocrity is sure of itself, so take risks and do what you really want to do.

-        Paulo Coelho, Aleph

I left school in 1984 with a handful of O - levels, I was fairly quiet at school, not very academically bright, not particularly good at any sport but I loved music, some things never change. I remember a meeting between the headmaster and my father, the headmaster explained that I was a nice lad, but probably wouldn’t do much after O-levels, as annoying and discouraging as it was, it sadly turned out to be true.

After leaving school my parents separated, instead of doing A-levels I took up business studies. But as a result of a slightly uncertain home life, University was the last thing on my mind, so I went out to work. After a few years my employer sponsored me through college and I ended up achieving my HNC in Electronics. And believe me that was tough, certainly for me, far too much advanced mathematics for my liking.

At the back of my mind through the years was this continual urge to complete a degree, never quite sure why. As the years went by I got busier and busier, my career didn’t suffer as a result of my alleged academic set back, but my inner desire to achieve my degree never really went away, nor did the words of my former headmaster.

So in 2008 I decided I would give a degree a go and enrolled on an ‘Openings Course’ with the Open University, it’s a 3 month introductory course a chance to see how you get along with study without over committing your time or your money. What I feared the most was simply not being bright enough to do it, but with the help of my tutor, it was more a case of getting my head down. And in 2012 I finally graduated with a BSc. I must add, due to previous study, including HNC Electronics and a Marketing qualification, I managed to get some study credit, so I wasn’t starting from scratch, but I can’t state how elated I was at its final completion.

I have however, come to realise, it was as much down to others as myself in achieving it. The sacrifice of my family, my wife and children, was as important as my determination to complete it. Not to mention the support of my fellow students, the tutors and the course teams who research, put the courses together and get the relevant accreditation.

Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do, accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. Don’t assume it’s too late to get involved.

-        ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’, Mitch Albom

I know I’m not the brightest, I know I am not the fittest and I know I am not the fastest, but I will have a go at whatever my heart desires and somehow with the help of many other people, some I know and many I do not know or will ever meet, I am able to do interesting things. I think it helps me to realize, that many coincidences and people have brought me to where I am today, but it’s those who give that will help me get to where I want to be tomorrow.

The two tough questions I have now are. 

1. Where do I want to be tomorrow? 

2. How can I best give to help others achieve their hearts desire as others will mine?

Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you

The Piano...

This is a firm favourite of mine I can watch again and again. Hope you enjoy it too.

An unconventional life of dreams...

So I reckon much of my life has been unconventional in many ways, but then again whose isn’t? And what is a conventional life? So often it looks from a distance that everyone else seems to have it all together, they’ve got money, nice house, family, husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend or loved ones. They hold down a good job, they have the freedom to do what they want, free from financial burden and so on. If we look through our ‘glass half empty’ view, others may appear to have more, but do they?

I saw this morning a quote on Twitter from @revrunwisdom he said “Happiness is just being satisfied with the life you lead”. It’s nothing new, there are many quotes that are similar, but so true and so often I see people saddened for what they think they could or should have; yet not valuing what they already do. The truth is we are all individuals and ‘nobody is better at being us than we are’, so why try to be someone else.

But even given that we are all unique, and are living at least some part of our lives that is not conventional, whatever that is, there are times when we do something that not many of our friends or family do and so it sparks interest, well sometimes anyway.

I love the notion that ‘everyone has a book in them’. Not sure how true this really is, but I am sure that more people do than actually write a book. Well I am going along the lines that ‘everyone has a song inside them’, or in my case an album (is that what you call it today?). So I have decided that after all these years of playing in various bands be it on drums, sax or guitar, I am going to put pen to paper for lyrics, pull together a few chords and melody lines and write some songs, in fact the intention is to write enough songs that I can put them in to a collection and record an Album. I really am setting the bar low though, although this is another of my life goals, as I write the intent is to do nothing more than write the songs and record them on my home MAC, collate them in to what would look like an Album and then burn a CD to say “I’ve done it”!

If it turns out OK, I may pull together a small team and go in to a studio, but the goal right now is to simply just get the ideas together. Who knows, it might be a very poor out come, but as the other saying goes, ‘If you don’t try you will never know’. So at best I’ll move in to the studio, at worst, I’ll know!

I’ll blog about progress, equipment I use, and experiences I gain in the process.

Do you have a dream or a life goal? What’s stopping you from achieving it? Do you think I have lost the plot?

Bye for now.

Great churches are not built on the gifts and talents of a few, but on the sacrifices of many.

I found the title of this Blog when browsing the many entries on Twitter and as with many items I see on Twitter, it captured my imagination.

We have an interesting scenario playing out at my local church at the moment. Mid way through 2010 it was announced that our Vicar (incumbent) would soon be marrying and as is often the case with a newly married incumbent he would be leaving St. Peters so they could start a new journey as a married couple.

The situation of having no incumbent is not an unusual one for St. Peters in Yateley as the last incumbent moved on a few years previously leaving St. Peters with the task of managing on its own during the recruitment process. An incumbent moving on is not uncommon for any church, but for the purposes of this article, it is the space in between that I am interested in. How does a church keep going when there is no incumbent in place?

I joined the Church relatively recently, beginning my journey at the end of 2007 on the Alpha course. Prior to this I had humbly believed that everything in a Church revolved around the incumbent and the only volunteers were the occasional flower arranger, those who served coffee and the annual jumble sale. Having been a member for a few years I now realize this of course could not be further from the truth, perhaps I’d be better to have used the term naïve rather than humble!

So much voluntary work happens in a church that is often not visible from the outside, what’s more surprising is much is not visible from the inside either. That is not to say there is a bad job of promoting activities, but these activities are very targeted to certain groups. And as we are in the current situation of not having a regular incumbent the opportunities to volunteer are even greater.

We currently have six regular services, for each of these services we will have a Rota for leading, reading, preaching, praying, serving coffee, welcoming, preparing announcements, sound and organising musical worship. On top of this we have extra services, youth clubs for each of the various age groups, women’s ministry, men’s ministry including weekends away. We have the youth church, youth bands, adult bands, many home groups and all this without mentioning buildings to manage and a Vicar to recruit. Even in this exhaustive list, which is only the tip of the iceberg there are multiple areas within each of these areas that offer opportunity for many to volunteer, get involved and grow in their faith.

I am proud to be a part of St. Peters, like any family, it’s not always a bed of roses, sometimes we don’t always agree and sometimes we don’t see some people for months on end as they deal with just they’re part of ministry. I am not sure there is such a thing as the perfect Church but if great churches are indeed built on the sacrifice of many and not the gifts of a few then I do believe we at St. Peters are building that great church and have a lot to be proud of.

We still however, look forward to seeing a new Vicar in place and all that he or she will bring to the community. What's more, they've got some flowers to arrange and a jumble sale to organise.